Returning from training Fashion Feng Shui in Kuala Lumpur, the plane was showing a newly released film - ‘Arthur’s Whiskey’. It caught my eye mainly because of the quality actors involved; Diane Keaton, Lulu, Patricia Hodge, Adil Ray to name a few. The tag line “Better than a facelift” also got my attention.
The story: When Joan's (Patricia Hodge) husband dies, she is shocked to discover he had invented an elixir which makes the drinker look young again. Sharing it with her two friends (Lulu and Diane Keaton), the three women paint the town red but soon discover that they are no longer equipped to be young in the modern world.
The three characters are very different, not only seeing the world and desires through their own individual lens but also clearly identifying who they are by what they wear. I won’t spoil the film for you if you haven’t yet seen it, but it got me wondering.
If you could go back in time, to when you were in your early twenties, would you?
My own reply is most definitely “no”. My twenties was most definitely the worst decade of my life and I had no desire to revisit. Saying that, if I knew what I know now maybe I could have changed it - who knows?
I am someone who lives in the present. A graphologist examining my handwriting many years ago confirmed it. My letters are upright, no bending to left or right. Looking to the past has never held any sway for me. Booking my next holiday, or day trip to London, is the extent of my interest in the future. Maybe because I was widowed at an early age. Planning for the future seemed pretty futile at that time, and continues to be so for me, at least.
So, it was with some surprise that I found myself going back to my past not once, but three times, this year.
It all began with a book. A crime thriller chosen for a monthly book club I attend. In the Blink of an Eye by Jo Callaghan. Firstly, it is set in a small town, Coleshill, where I used to live. Secondly, the protagonist is a widow (ditto). Thirdly, her husband died from cancer and lastly, he might not have done if the cancer had been diagnosed correctly and in good time. All are true for me too. I felt quite shocked as the novel unfolded and I realised that she could have been writing about me. Bizarre.
After discussing it at the book club meeting I decided I would take a nostalgic trip back to my past. I had never really grieved properly for what I had lost so it was important to ask my current husband if he was OK about my intentions. Luckily, he was.
Birmingham was the nearest city so I rented an apartment as a base to explore where I had lived and worked prior to getting married. We explored the city, thus remembering good times and bad. As I said before, this decade was not my favourite and neither was this city. We took a trip to Coleshill to look at the house where I was widowed, the church and hotel where I was married and the local independent shops I used to frequent. Some are still there but most have gone. On the way home, we called in at nearby Nuneaton where I had also lived and worked before meeting my first husband, and later that week, Nottingham, where I had been a student prior to moving west. As my mum was still alive at this point, I had also been visiting my home town of Burton on Trent so I had plenty of memories to consolidate.
A couple of months later, I receive a call from a friend who lives in LA who I used to work with in Birmingham. Her mother is in poor health, so she is visiting for a few weeks. Did I want to meet up? So, back I go to Birmingham to see her along with another colleague who was also in my team in 1982, or thereabouts. Catching up with them enabled me to see the city from yet another perspective, as this was before I had even met my husband. At this particular time, aged 23/4, I had no confidence, no style and no money. They both agreed I had now turned from the ugly duckling into the proverbial swan! I am taking that as a compliment. Better late than never - right?
In May, while working in Melbourne Australia, I received another text. This time from my niece, on my former husband’s side of the family. Her father had passed and she was inviting me to the funeral, which just happened to be on my 21st wedding anniversary with my current husband. We both decided we would attend. Even though I hadn’t seen any of them for years, we had kept in touch with birthday and Christmas cards. You guessed it - yes the service was to be held in Coleshill.
That particular day was a nightmare, traffic wise. The M6 was at a standstill, so we had to make a large detour. By the time we arrived, it was impossible to park so I went in alone. John was a popular figure so it really was standing room only. I managed to get a space by the aisle towards the exit so I had chance to see everyone, even if they hadn’t seen me. As the service came to a close, the family returned back down the aisle and they all saw me. Each one of them stopped to give me a huge hug. It was so emotional for me. I wasn’t even sure they would remember what I looked like - ugly duckling to swan - right? Although the occasion was very sad, it was also a happy one for me and Michael. We have re-connected with my former family and it has been wonderful to do so.
Here’s the thing: I still maintain I am not interested in the past per se, but sometimes it appears that it pays to revisit certain parts of it.
So, I’m curious. Would you like to visit the past and be young again? If so, what do you hope to gain and why? Please comment below. Fascinating.
THE WAY WE WERE?