HIDING - in plain sight

Sometimes an urge to re-read a novel from a long time ago becomes inescapable. The book in question is ‘The Fat Woman’s Joke’ by Fay Weldon, the feminist writer. This is her first novel, set in the 1960’s. It had a profound impact on me back in the day and I was wondering how it would affect me some 40 years later.

For several weeks, Esther Sussman had lived in a sordid flat in Earls Court. During the day she read science fiction novels. In the evenings she watched television. And she ate, and ate, and drank, and ate. She had not felt so secure since she spent her days in a pram. It had been her husband’s idea that they should go on a diet. Together they would fight middle-age flab and feel young again. It was the diet that had made Esther leave home. The lack of food had made her see things very clearly and she had looked at her life – the daily dusting, sweeping, cooking, washing-up – and found it all pointless. She had not felt strong enough for marriage, and so she escaped.

From the fastness of her Earls Court retreat Esther starts to recount the events leading up to her revelation to her friend Phyllis. ‘I suppose you really do believe your happiness is consequent upon your size?’ she asks. Phyllis does; Esther does not and triumphantly sets out to prove her point.

Weldon’s prose provides a masterclass in provoking ideas about what we think makes us look beautiful both then, and now, and why we would choose to do so.

Dame Helen Mirren - someone else I really admire - when asked how her husband, Taylor Hackford, makes her feel beautiful said “Oh, he doesn’t! I don’t think he ever makes me feel beautiful. It’s not necessary. That’s not what I love him for, honestly.

Our wardrobes, and the clothes therein, are supposed to make us feel and look beautiful. Yet, most of us wear only 20% of what we own so why are the rest still hanging there?

I’ve had the honour and privilege of working with clients and their style choices for many years. One of the aspects of looking at someone’s wardrobe in great depth is the discovery of other people (or their rules) hiding in plain sight within.

Most of us rely on the opinions of others when it comes to validating how we look, rather than having confidence in our own appearance. So, many of us dress to fit in: with friends, school/college/university classmates, the workplace, a corporate environment, with other mum’s at the school gate, social clubs etc. Though aware this type of clothing does not “fit” who they are, they still continue to dress this way so they “fit” in with the tribe.

It can often be another person who dictates the closet contents, usually subliminally. A partner, mother, someone from the past, a critic, employer, Instagram/social media “models”, even image consultants who must be ‘obeyed’ even if the clothes do not fulfil on any level.

A person’s past can loom large if their clothing constantly reminds them of happier/slimmer/wealthier times.

Here’s the Thing: Whether or not you’re aware, your closet is a hive of unspoken conversation. Opening the doors each day can bring a variety of responses both positive and negative - usually the latter:

People will laugh at me behind my back if I wear this/change now

They won’t fancy me anymore

Someone will think I’m copying them

I won’t fit in

I’ll look like mutton dressed as lamb/ totally eccentric/pantomime dame

I know I can’t wear………..because ………… told me I looked ………..

I’m way too old for this

I’m too fat. Nothing looks good on me

There are many times in our lives when we need to dress to be appropriate, for a special occasion, to chill out and so on. When we choose what to wear are we always true to ourself or are we dressing with someone else in mind?

Believe me. I’ve not always been a paragon of virtue in this regard. Despite my extensive training and experience, I can still make mistakes. My husband is my sage in this regard. While shopping for something new if I ever have to ask him what he thinks of a particular outfit his reply is always the same ”If you have to ask me, you’re not sure. If you’re not sure, don’t buy”. Wise words indeed.

So, my questions to you:

Who is living in your Wardrobe?

What could you do to silence the critics?

How could you reinforce more positive conversation?

Thank you for reading.