As some of you may be aware, I love a new word or phrase that has some kind of meaning which I can inject into my life.
My latest acquisition is kintsugi. This Japanese art teaches that broken objects are not something we should hide but display with pride. When a bowl, teapot or precious vase falls and breaks into a thousand pieces, it’s customary to throw them away. By repairing broken ceramics, it’s possible to give a new lease of life to pottery as it becomes even more refined thanks to its ‘scars’. Kintsugi joins the resulting fragments, giving them a new, more refined aspect as every repaired piece is now unique.
Over the years I, and I’m sure you too, have had more than my fair share of ‘accidents’ resulting in many ‘scars’ both physical and mental. It’s comforting to think that this newly formed person, despite being fragmented, is actually a more precious and unique version of the one that went before.
I am an avid fan of Lyn Slater previously the Accidental Icon and now even more relevant - in my view - as author of How To Be Old. In her new book, she writes about how she is attracted to Japanese designers because they are so committed to resisting norms of youth and beauty. Their clothes show wear and deterioration but celebrate beauty in their imperfection. This has ‘fashioned’ her thinking into who she might become, and how she might dress, as an older woman.
I have seen many clients who view their bodies as imperfect. Maybe they always have. But as they age, the natural pull of gravity, hormonal imbalances caused by menopause/pregnancy/illness, disappearing collagen and the resulting lines and wrinkles has made them sad and lacking in confidence. In most cases, they are zooming in on imperfections the rest of us are not aware of. I, too, have done this many times. Reality hits when I am knocked off my self-obsessed perch by someone’s genuine compliment, usually about the part of me that was in the centre of my zone of disquiet. Today, I am trying to see my less than perfect face and body through the lens of a life that has been thoroughly lived, with many fascinating stories to tell. Luckily, we all need to wear clothes and, as they can visually communicate your truth, they can add to the miracle that is you.
Body shapes are another bone of contention. For every person that moans about their large hips, is another who worries about large shoulders. For big busts, a similar amount have issues with their small breasts. It seems none of us are happy with what we have been gifted.
In Fashion Feng Shui, the body shape is viewed as an integral personal characteristic. Those with a ‘pear’ shape are sensual beings. Slowly moving hips swaying gently from side to side like beautiful rolling waves in the ocean. Beautiful to watch. Those that are ‘straight’ with no waist, are often very direct. Assertive types who know what they want and how to get it. No ‘passive aggressive’ behaviour for them. Solid shapes such as ‘apple’ are the loyal and dependable types. The people you can rely on in a crisis when their arms fold round you in an almighty hug and they listen to your woes without interruption. The ‘hourglass’ is neat, tidy, organised. Refined and elegant in everything they do. The ‘inverted triangle’ is strong with an ability to carry weight both physical and mental.
My shape is the inverted triangle. The one with larger shoulders than hips - 2 sizes larger if you’re interested. I have a HUGE ribcage. Vast. The bane of my life. If I sit, the waistband of my skirt folds over. If I wear a belt, it digs in. I have never, ever come across anyone with this shape in my life. For years I hated it. Sexy, clingy dresses were never for me, even when I was younger and slimmer, as they looked ridiculous. I always yearned to be petite, small, fragile looking.
Here’s the thing: I now understand that my unique and unusual ribcage is actually a really significant, and valuable, part of who I am. Having so much space around my lungs gives me the gift of a deep, loud, resonant voice. Something that is very much required in what I do for a living - training, speaking etc. An added bonus is that I’m rarely out of breath, despite having once been a heavy smoker.
Many material things such as vintage clothing, luxury handbags, furniture and wine (of course) become more valuable as they age. Rather than seeing ageing as a negative, perhaps we can change our mindset to see it as a positive - wrinkles and all. After all, aren’t we wiser now? I still have lots of interests and things I want to pursue. My life, after 60, has been the most enjoyable to date and I hope it will continue this way for a long time to come. I am lucky, and grateful, that I am still fit and healthy - but I do work at it. A daily glass of wine is pretty much my only indulgence and I exercise most days of the week. It’s not something I take for granted - that’s for sure.
My inspirations come from the lady at my yoga class who, at 78 years old, can still manage the splits. My mother-in-law, 102 in September, who stills does her own shopping at the supermarket, has a vast knowledge and interest in gardening, and has her hair styled every week. If you are a fashionista, then surely the wonderful Iris Apfel, who recently passed at 102, is someone we must surely look to. Her colourful love of her life, and her clothing, was truly remarkable.
So, here’s to being perfectly imperfect. It’s the best way to be!
Thank you Ellen. I always try and be as positive as I can about our wonderful bodies. We live within them but don’t always appreciate what they can do for us. And I am guilty as charged! I’m really glad you enjoyed the piece and thank you for taking the time to comment.
This is a terrific piece for so many reasons. I love your signature language that is shining through and your synopsis of Fashion Feng Shui and body types is so appealing and received so easily. Yet, you are speaking into a very emotion-filled and not often talked about subject in such a friendly, warm way. Your matter-of -fact-ness shines brightly through the lens of kindness. Pure joy to read this wonderful piece. And Thank you.